That was then, This is now.

January 26, 2009

This photo was taken when I was nine or ten, which is also the time when I was learning to do an axle for the first time:


There I am, all gangly, long, in my first real skating dress, holding my good luck flying horse Peggy, extremely uncomfortable in my skin.  (Mal dans ma peau as the french say).  Now 25 years later I’m learning to do an axle again.   I can’t really remember learning it the first time, other than it took a long time, was frustrating, and was hard.  Take off on the left foot, 1.5 revolutions, land on the right foot (toe).  Arms in, legs crossed, jump from the legs.  Sounds easy doesn’t it?  The axle was such a milestone for us all, the first real jump, every parent promised an extra treat when it was finally mastered.  What were those treats, a candy bar, a doll, a pop?  I really can’t remember now.  I haven’t promised myself anything this time around, as I don’t really want any of those things anymore, the sad thing is that as an adult the satisfaction of mastering something is enough.  Weren’t our parents trying to tell us that 25 years ago when we were angling for candy bars? 

On Sunday I had another scary deja vu of those days long ago; skating cliques.  Believe it or not a group of women gathered at the side of the boards, chatted, and watched each other do jumps for about 1 hour or so.  I could just hear their parents “stop standing and get skating”.  Now, like then, I wasn’t in the clique, I’ve never been someone on the inside, always on the outside, mal dans ma peau.  But the difference is the wisdom from 25 years of living, of not wanting to be in the clique, but to enjoy giggling at them, and skating, skating skating, jumping, jumping, jumping.  25 years of living gives one the confidence to go our own road, to not worry anymore about fitting in, or being in the group.  My skin may be much further around then when I was 10, but it sure fits better now.  AND I landed a number of axles, all the way around (just on the flat of my foot, not on the toe like it should be.  BUT its getting better, and much higher.)


5 Responses to “That was then, This is now.”

  1. melanie said

    Look how cute you are! I was never one to belong to any cliques either – and now when I see them among adults I just laugh at the ridiculousness of it all.

  2. Anne said

    How cute were you? And your good-luck horse!

    For what it’s worth I think those of us outside the cliques (myself as well) are better adjusted adults. You get used to operating without a pack and learn how to be your own person without that crutch. IMHO.

  3. margene said

    That’s the best thing about growing up…we fit our skins much better. You look great and fit it so well.

  4. Katherine said

    Ha. Yeah, sounds easy. Whatever, woman. It doesn’t sound easy to ME.

    Adult cliques are tres funny (see? I can do French too!) It describes the PTA at my son’s school. They are so ridiculous I just can’t bring myself to join.

  5. Jewel said

    Not much really changes from the time we are ten tell now. We just grow much taller and more round. You haven’t really changed that much, you are just as cute as you were at ten.

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